


The Prank

by jacobgrey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 10:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7358155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacobgrey/pseuds/jacobgrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humour entry for Popodoki's 2016 contest on Kofk.<br/>Snape has just one phobia - but what might that be? Someone is determined to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Prank

Severus Snape was never one to give in to foolish festivities. While the rest of the faculty enjoyed a few butterbeers – or worse – out in Hogsmeade, he had declined to attend. He was working on a particularly challenging potion, something to add to his repertoire, and he could do with the extra hours to himself.

The dungeon-like classroom was empty and eerily quiet without the scratching of students’ quills on paper or the bubbling of their cauldrons. Just one was in use now: the large, scratched, worn, but overall rather expensive cauldron that he himself owned.

It was cool down here, the stone walls almost bouncing the cold air back at him, but he was used to that. Draped in a large black robe as ever, he did not particularly feel it. He needed all of his concentration for this task: the ingredients were rare, and he had failed on his last three attempts to get the mixture right. Coming up with a new potion was never easy, but he had the feeling that he was onto something special with this one.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a black shape scurrying along the wall. Turning his head, he tutted to see a large spider, black and hairy. Vermin like that were not supposed to be down here, though every now and then one would slip through the net, so to speak. He aimed his wand and muttered something under his breath, and the spider hit the floor, legs twitching. A spell that was powerful enough to stun a human was deadly to an insect like that.

He left the corpse where it was and turned his attention back to the cauldron, making a mental note to prepare another batch of the spider repellent potion. While it was amusing from time to time to see one of the children shriek at an eight-legged ambush, altogether it was more irksome than it was worth.

Movement caught his eye again, and he looked over with a sigh of annoyance. A second spider, much bigger this time, was making its way along the same wall. He walked over to it with just a few brief steps, his shoes clicking smartly on the floor. Peering at it, he noted the same markings as the one he had already dispatched. It must be mating season, he mused, tapping it with the wand and watching it curl up into a death grip on the floor.

He returned to his cauldron with little more than a shake of his head. Spiders had never bothered him. Nor had the cockroach he had found two nights ago, shining gently under the light of the flickering flames that warmed his potion, or the small grass snake that had somehow found its way in to the classroom. That one, he had kept. It was always useful to have a snake on hand when you were the Potions Master.

If he didn’t know any better, he would have assumed that someone was trying to ruffle his feathers.

Not that it would work, of course. He had never had any fear of snakes, or spiders, or cockroaches. They were nothing more than inconveniences.

He had returned to stirring the cauldron when he heard a sound, just at the edge of his hearing. A sound that was totally unexpected. His skin prickled, all of his hairs standing up, but he refused to turn around. He couldn’t possibly have heard what he thought he had. Not here.

There! It came again – a low, throaty noise, the beginning of something else. The kind of noise that could only be associated with one creature on earth. _Calm down, Severus,_ he told himself. _There’s absolutely no way this is real. There aren’t any farms for miles around. You’re just cooped up in a dungeon and your mind is playing tricks on you._

Reassured by his own reasoning, Snape shook his head and carried on stirring the mixture. It was a beautiful purple-green colour now, reminiscent of a peacock’s feather. Almost ready.

There was a clucking noise behind him, and Severus Snape swore.

He spun quickly, flourishing his wand and preparing to attack. There, right behind him and walking along his own desk, was the very creature he had been telling himself could not exist. Fixing him with one evil, black, beady eye, the chicken paused with one claw raised in the air, and cocked its head towards him.

He gasped for one moment, almost paralysed now that he could actually see the vile thing. Then it spread its wings to shuffle the feathers, and he lost it.

“Vile heathen! Incendio!” he shouted, setting the desk on fire. It didn’t matter about the damage. Now that a _chicken_ had walked on it, it was tainted beyond salvation anyway.

The chicken squawked accusingly and hopped down to the ground in alarm, shuffling towards him as fast as its legs could carry it – which was regrettably fast. He let out a shriek of his own, stumbling away only to collide with a desk. The blasted thing was almost upon him now.

“ _Petrificus totalus!”_ he almost screamed, pointing his wand desperately. It worked; the chicken was frozen, one leg up in the air, and slowly toppled over to one side.

Gasping for breath, Snape wiped one sleeve of his robe across his face. He quickly put out the fire on the desk, noting with displeasure how the scorch marks covered the whole surface as well as the nearby stone, and wondered what on earth he was going to do with the thing now.

There was only one thing for it. Filch would have to come. He scowled, wrapping his robe tighter around himself in an attempt to stop the shaking, and stalked out of the classroom in search of the caretaker. As he moved for the door, he thought he could hear hurried footsteps; but there was no evidence of anyone there when he left the room.

\---

Out in the corridor, Fred turned to his brother and lifted a hand into the air. George obliged by high-fiving it, and they chuckled together as they sped along the halls.

“Good one, George,” Fred said. “You were right after all. It was just a process of elimination.”

“I knew the spiders wouldn’t get him,” George proclaimed proudly. “But _chickens_. That was inspired!”

Safe with the knowledge that they could humiliate the Potions Master whenever they wanted, the twins rushed back to their dorm.


End file.
